35 Witty and Funny Comebacks for the Question: “So, when are you going to have kids?!”

Annoyed by the question when you finally get pregnant or have a baby? Here you will find witty, funny and clever answers / comebacks to family planning.

Do you know the phenomenon: at a certain age, between 20 – 40 years 🤪, a woman is suddenly constantly asked about her family planning. “And when are you going to have children?”, “Do you want a baby?” or “Well, when will you have kids?”.

It gets even worse after 30… whether you’re married or single. And then everyone around you has children and it feels like there is no other topic.

Personally, I didn’t consider the question about children – at least when asked by close friends – to be so bad. After all, I just wanted to show interest in their life planning and mindset. Besides, it seemed strange to ignore this subject.

However, I have also seen what this question can do to couples without children. Unfortunately, not only the best friends ask it once a year in a very careful and understanding way. But the dear grandmother asks perhaps every time you come to visit or even the colleagues at work, where this question is out of place anyway.

And besides the nerve factor of this question, there are also couples where it doesn’t work out right away and that’s where it starts to get really hurtful and destructive.

So girls, these answers are for you: show it to the buggers out there! 😏

“Well, when will you have your baby?”

I know one thing for sure: Not at least for another nine months.

When someone tells me where they come from. I know that whole stork thing is a myth. So, any suggestions?

When the time is right. My eggs are pretty picky.

Let me check. How about August 15 at 10:19?!

I already have one. (Then refer to your spouse, dog or someone else) 😃

I don’t know, but I’m starting my list of babysitters for Saturday nights. Can I count you in?

I don’t know yet, how soon do you need an answer?

I don’t know yet, what do you think?

*Irony Alert*

Did you know that 1 in 6 couples, who desperately want to have a child, struggle with infertility? I’m not going to tell you if I’m one of those people, but maybe you’ll think about how hurtful your question might be to someone who is.

Asking a question like that creates a lot of pressure on me. You can’t just snap your fingers and get pregnant, a lot of things have to come together at the right time. Honestly, I can’t tell you when, so please have a little more patience.

Having kids is one of the most important decisions in life, and making that decision takes the right partner, a lot of time and thought. I can’t give you a simple answer to such a huge, life-changing event.

It’s hard to hold a baby when you have one hand on the pole. 😎

We want to see how yours turn out first…

I need a three-year nap first. 😴

We are holding back for cloning.

Why, are you selling some?
Alternative: Why, do you want one?

When I grow up.

What?! And give up alcohol for a year or more?!?

It could be a while, I’m part of The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

When Johnny Depp offers to sleep with me.

As soon as social services give me permission again

Glance around a bit to see who is watching or listening. Then: “It’s not in my nature to be mysterious, but I can’t talk about it and I can’t tell you why.”

Probably sometime in the next 50 years…

As soon as we’re ready to have children – you’ll be the third to know. For sure.

If we’re being honest here: your kid makes me want to OD on birth control. 😈

How soon do you need to know?

My biological clock is analog. You try to read it!

Why bother? All the good baby names are taken.

My partner and I are afraid our genes are too good and our offspring would dominate and eventually wipe out the rest of the human race.

Ew! Is this your way of asking me about my sex life, perv!

I have a question for you first: How many times a day do you masturbate? 👊

I need to see how the presidential election plays out before I decide whether this is a world I want to raise kids in.

We want to enjoy being married first, so we’re going to wait for two or three decades.

You can also always go for:

Why do you want to know?

I don’t know yet.

When people stop bugging me about it.

When we decide if we even WANT one


To the questioners: You notice that this is a very personal question, which can not only be annoying for the person questioned but perhaps even causes pressure. Therefore, I think that it belongs in a well-dosed (!) way only in a close friendship (or relationship).

To the persons questioned: I can well imagine that it is annoying to be constantly asked about this. But I also think that most people are simply not aware of how intimate the question is and what they might trigger. Often it could simply be well-meant or actual interest.

I hope the answer options help you to say nicely or directly that they do not need to ask again. 😉

Do you have another clever answer? Write it in the comments!

Yours Maisie 💕

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